Notch it up Fast!
by Hermes Salazar Snape
Summary: Hermes wants a break from his random immortal life. So, he wields the mike while Demeter passes the popcorn and two Godly immortals fight to see who's better . Imagine, even Hades pops his head out to watch the show! Chapter 7 posted!
1. Chapter 1

Note:

I must confess I got inspired by a series of Fan-fics and by helping with my bro's 'Mount Hogwarts'. I thought this story would work on multiple perspectives but only one worked for me and it is entirely _through_ Lord Hermes. I am **not** an expert in the Humor genre but I gave it my best shot. Hope you like it!

**NOTCH IT UP FAST**

"_Rise and shine, Hermes!_" hissed Martha into his ear as the golden morning light poured into his flat in the Empire State Building. Hermes moaned and rolled over,hugging his pillow.

"_Look here,I know it was a hard day yesterday, but you can't take a day off. It is the Olympian Gods delivery day! Come on, let me see you up like a good boy,_" she wiggled closer and tickled his ear. Hermes grinned and sat up.

"_You always get away with this. I try it and Hermes fries me alive,_"

"You bite my ear George," Hermes snapped.

"_That was only once okay, I got a bit carried away, your ear smelt a lot like a rat,_" a rumbling sound issued from his stomach. Hermes started.

"Hey,oh my gosh, I totally forgot to give you dinner yesterday!"

"_Realized it huh?_"

"_Be quiet George_."

"_All right, don't start it again, you lectured me all night!_"

"_But you still don't seem to understand_,"

"_Understand what? My poor tummy can exist without food?_"

"Both of you shut up while I go get some food. Simultaneously," he added, as Martha hissed in protest.

"_Um, Hermes,isn't it supposed to be syn __chronous __ly?_"

"DON'T USE THAT WORD GEORGE! DO YOU WANT _HIM_ TO TURN YOU INTO HIS FOOD?" Both the snakes shivered and hissed in fear.

Hermes sighed, drew his Caduceus closer and stroked his trembling pets. "It's okay, it's okay I'm sorry I scared you!" He hugged them as they stopped shuddering violently.

"I'm totally stressed out! I've never yelled at you two. I want a break! Seriously. I'm tired of running around playing the mail-boy. For Zeus's sake, I'm also God of Commerce, of Communication, of Travellers, of Good Luck..."

"_He forgot God of male models,_" whispered George.

"_Why models?_"

"_He always poses naked for his sculptors._"

"I did not!" snapped Hermes,flushed.

"_I notice the absence of 'do not'. Any female sculptors in mind?_"

"_Yeah,he couldn't take his eyes off that Athena girl in Camp._"

"_Who, Atlanta Johnson?_"

"_She looked sooo cute! And Hermes always had an eye on red-heads,_" Martha chanced a glance at Hermes. He looked like a steaming volcano about to erupt.

"_Right, Hermes, shall I ask Iris to do your work today?_"she said timidly.

"What?" he asked, halfway into the bathroom. "Oh no, don't tax her, she already has a full plate."

"_Hermes, oh dear, you haven't even spared __Iris__ the coy glance! Ah, you naughty boy, she'll_ _suit you._"

"_George,it is __possible__ to feel sympathetic for another person without falling in love with them!_"

"_But when has our Hermes ever done that?_"

"_That's not fair! Remember Io and Europa and Persephone?_"

"_But Iris is a pretty-looking girl isn't she? And she's a red-head to boot!_"

"_She's always running around,George._"

"_Exactly! God and Goddess of Long-distance relationship!_"

"_Hermes, I __told__ you not to watch 'Going the distance' with this fool,_" Martha snapped loudly.

"But how do you think I could take you along?" he replied, yelling from the bathroom.

"_Aww, how romantic, Hermes flying the skies with Iris in his arms,_"

"_When have __you__ bothered to become romantic?_"

"_Why not?_"

"_Hey,wait a minute,is it because Iris gives you a lot of rats?_"

"_Rats, rats, rats, the eternal cosmos eventually returns to rats,_"

"_You're hopeless!_"

"_I'm hungry!_"

Hermes emerged loaded with perfume and grinning from the bathroom.

"I _love_ showers. They accentuate my intellect."

"_So, mister Romeo,any plans today?_"

"Hmm, let me see," he mused, attacking his curly black hair before the mirror while his eyes twinkled.

"Did I tell you that I'm God of Slyness?"

"_A million times. And God of Gymnastics._"

"That's right. And today, I'm going to put all my other sadly ignored skills to use," His bright blue eyes brimmed with mischief as he rubbed his hands together.

"_Hermes, I soo don't like that look in your eyes,_"

"Oh don't worry Martha, I'm just going to have a well earned holiday."

"_How? Athena will go mad if you don't deliver those books. And you know what_ _Demeter will do if the plants aren't delivered in time._"

"But sometimes Gods get so interested in one thing that they forget everything else,"

"_When? During war?_" said Martha sarcastically.

"_Or during your marriage._"

"My marriage? George, how could you do this to me? I vowed tobe a bachelor!"

"_You speak as though you've vowed to be a virgin!_"

"_I know! You only took that oath to attract more girls,_"

"_For that additional charm to seduce Aphrodite,_"

"Aphrodite! Pah! I took that oath because being single makes you more strong. And not to annoy any poor girl with specimens like you. The thing is, Gods did drop everything

they did once last year, remember?"

"_Ah yes,the Zeus-Poseidon tiff. But that was only half a day._"

"_They got together real fast for my liking._"

"_George,that wasn't a movie to __like__!_"

"But what if we get a couple that will fight all day?"

"_A couple? If you're thinking of Ares and Aphrodite you better forget it. They've been sending sleazy tweets through __me__ all day!_"

"_For once Martha, I feel sorry for you._"

"No," Hermes said slyly. "This couple's much more interesting, and I always get away with this fellow. See you then," he waved cheerily and ran to the elevator.

"_Hermes, don't forget the rats!_".


	2. Chapter 2

**START THE FIGHT**

Only two more days till the solar eclipse over the English midlands. Which means that Apollo and Artemis are going to be pretty close to each other over there. Which also means that Hermes's plan is going to be pulled of rather easily. Humming his favorite tune, Hermes jogged over (in the speed of light, no wonder he's so fit) to that exact spot where both the twins were present, oblivious to each other.

He is no idiot to spy over Artemis (he was turned into a deer for that very crime once), but spying on Apollo was simply_ irresistible_. He slowly tiptoed up to him and peeked out from behind the tree he was leaning on.

Apollo was at his best. No mortal would be able to see him,without being blinded (never mind the fact that there was no one for miles around) . He was dripping in traditional yellow attire and kept looking at the forest every now and then. Ah, trying to catch the eye of his little sister I suppose.

Hermes glanced at the PC Notebook on his lap and immediately stuffed his hanky up his mouth to prevent laughter. Apollo even hit the Send button. 'Another heartbreak,' thought Hermes ruefully. 'If only he _knew_ what he sent,'

_Your form is like my broken bow_

_Your hair is as white as snow_

_I know you'll never sat no_

_My silly,bitchy,little Jo._

'He always was zero at rhyme,' he thought. 'Poor Jo'.

He concentrated hard. Yes, Artemis was there too, rather close! Put the plan to action, now!

He assumed the form of a little girl. A red head wearing pink frills, pink ribbons and pink satin shoes, no that's overdoing it, he didn't want Artemis to puke. A cute girl with big round eyes and a shrill voice. Perfect, that will do. He materialized a huge, ferocious boar a little while away and made it charge at him..., oh wait, now it's_ her_.

He ran a few steps, deliberately tripped and sent his basket clattering over, attracting the attention of Apollo. The boar was really close now. He opened his mouth (that part was spontaneous, he really got scared) and screamed piteously. Next second, the boar was lying on its side and two arrows, one gold, one silver protruded from its still form.

"Come off it Hermes," snapped an annoyed girl's voice. Shit. Game over. He returned to his form and grinned sheepishly.

"It is you?" Apollo asked dreamily. "Now why would you do that?"

"Simple; he's got nothing else to do."

"Now that's not fair sister, I've got the most number of tasks to do than any other God!"

"Lay your hands off her, she's _my_ sister!"

"I'm sister to anyone who's Child of Zeus, Apollo and God knows there are many such people now. My question is,why are you fooling around here?"

All is not lost, yet, not when you have drama. "Well; you know," he began. "When Martha woke me up early this beautiful morning, I suddenly had a huge . . . ."

"Cut the crap and come straight to the point," she snapped.

"Stop it, sissy, it is very interesting! You continue," Apollo said, resting his hands on his lap and gazing expectantly.

"I had a huge doubt. Now who is the better archer? You," he said, pointing at Artemis, "Or is it, you?"he pointed at Apollo now. "It was a very big doubt and it threatened to eat me up, so I thought I'll come and see it for myself. But look! Both your arrows are sticking out from that boar." Silence.

"I shot the boar first." Artemis put her foot firmly down.

"Now my little sissy, are you trying to say. . . . ."

"STOP CALLING ME LITTLE SISSY CAUSE I'M NOT!"

"Okay,calm down, but I must say I shot it first."

"How DARE you!" she said, lunging for him. "I'm faster and better than you. And _I_ taught you Archery!"

"That was only one little trick! I'm the GOD of Archery!"

"That is because I asked Dad to make you one!"

"No that was because I defeated Pythos."

"I, _I _! _WE_ defeated Pythos, you and I! How many girls did you tell that to?"

"I didn't. . ."

"Always with his lyre and smothered by girls. You're disgusting! You won't even let my Hunters alone!"

"Forget the past, okay!"

"Don't say that," she suddenly whispered, a maniac gleam in her eyes. "Don't you ever say that. You'll kill Orion and say, _forget the past_. You'll kill Daphne under my protection and say _forget the past,okay_! I WILL NOT forget the past. And I want you to know that." She had notched up her silver arrow which pointed straight at his heart. Hermes gulped.

"Um, why don't we . . ."

"DON'T say set it aside Hermes, I want to fight!"

"I just wanted to say we'll organise a competition of Archery with you two. In three hours time." Artemis nodded stiffly while Apollo stared hard at her.

"You're sure you want to do this?"

"Yes," she barked.

"I don't want you to get hurt, you know," he said condescendingly. Artemis simply growled in reply and Apollo left with a huff.

"Um, sister, I'm really sorry. . . ," Hermes began.

"About Orion? That's a million years too late,"

"About, well, so many other things!" Tears welled up his big eyes.

"What do you want?" she asked, studying him shrewdly.

"Actually, I'm rather embarrassed to admit it," he grinned,wiping his eyes.

"Is it about one of my Hunters?" the voice had become dangerous.

"No!" he replied swiftly. "It is, well,"

"Yes?"

"Can you teach me how to whistle?" Artemis stared unbelievingly.

"You mean you don't know?"

"Don't look at me like that, I just lost the hang of it and maybe, you can just, brush up my skills. . ."

"I don't teach conceited idiots."

"Please Lady Artemis, I'm woefully ignorant of the fine art of whistling and would like you to enlighten me."

"Under a condition," she said mischievously.

"What?"

"Lend me your shoes for a day."

"Hey!"

"Else I won't teach."

"Deal." She ran away, giggling. Hermes smiled. Well, that makes the scale even. He never wanted to annoy her. If only Apollo wasn't so possessive, Athena and himself would have benefited from the company of a fine fiery sister.


	3. Chapter 3

**STAGE SETTING AND INVITATIONS**

"Hey bro can you do me a favor?"

"Sure," said Hephaestus, looking up from his work with a grease mark on his cheek.

"Is that a _Harley Davison_?" gawked Hermes,peering behind Hephaestus.

"No, don't even think about it," snapped Hephaestus. "That's Ares's bike given for repairs,he'll skin you alive if you take it. And stop drooling."

"Oh,never mind; do you have a Stadium exclusively for Archery?"

"When do you need it?"

"In three hours."

"Hmm, I'll have to do some tinkering; haven't used for like,two hundred years."

"Thanks a ton,mate! Where is it?"

"Fujiyama"

Hermes's eyes popped out. "Are you kidding?"

"Oh don't worry. There is enough mist to fool even Dad."

"Too much mist. That means I have to arrange escorts and. . ." Hermes sank in thought while Hephaestus fitted his artificial legs snugly.

"Right. Thank you very,very much bro,"

"No problem."

"But I really need to run. And I need to talk to Themis."

"Aah," he said sympathetically. "But Hermes, you never told me _who_ are participating in this contest. Don't tell me Percy Jackson and Clarisse. I don't know which one's worse."

Hermes showed all his teeth then. "Don't worry, this one's going to be in the news for centuries."

"Home sweet home. Now comes the hard part though," Hermes murmured grimly.

"_You're back!_"

"_In one piece too!_"

"I need to make a call,"

"_No._"

Hermes started. "Why?"

"_Guess._"

"Um,I didn't take you along for the fun?"

"_Wrong_."

"Let me see," Hermes held up two fat juicy rats. "What about now?"

"_Sure!_" offered George, reaching for the bigger rat greedily.

"_George,you said you won't yield even if Hermes gave you a rat!_"

"_Swhat sid su say?_"

"_Arrrgh!_"

"Calm down Martha, men never do what they say. Have yours before he gobbles it up too."

"_Supisin' you'e a man suu,_"

"It is bad manners to talk while eating," said Hermes smugly.

"ALL THE OLYMPIAN GODS!" thundered Themis from the other side. "Within TWO HOURS?"

"I know Lady Themis, I totally understand,"

"What do you understand,boy? Do you know how hard it is to visit even one of them? You want me to invite ALL of them?"

"Well, they'll come if you just tell them the twins names,"

"Why me,boy? I thought this sort of stuff was YOUR EXPERTISE?"

"But you're still Goddess of Heralds,"

"You know Hermes, you and your snakes always had too much cheek for your own good. I could have Zeus finish you off RIGHT NOW. One word and you'll lie face down in TARTARUS!" The phone whined and trembled violently.

"Please," whispered Hermes,in his most Charming tone. Dead Silence.

"Right," she growled. "Only this one time. And for front seat tickets!"

"Thank you soo very much, my lady!"

He cut the line and blew a sigh of relief.

"_All your fault. Our name is stained because of your antics._"

"My fault? I ought to say that! Who called Themis a stink-mouthed jackass?"

"_I just voiced aloud what you thought._"

"Thank you very much, my thoughts are my exclusive property. I'd much rather you shut up."

"_Hermes, I'd much prefer you said 'be quiet' instead of 'shut up'. You don't know how much that hurts me!_"

"_Oh my; Martha, don't cry all over me. Anyway, he'll come around all right. We're all_ _he's got_."

"Who said so? I've another best friend,"

"_Oh yeah ?_"

"Yes. One who always listens to me no matter what I say to her,"

"_I __knew__ it was female,_"

"Do not interrupt! Where was I? Ah,she doesn't interrupt me or irritate me, she doesn't even ask me for food,"

"_But Atlanta Johnson needs food,_"

"_And no Athena girl will listen to you blabber,_"

"_Martha,did you say Atlanta had a crush on Hermes?_"

"_Yeah, she was clutching her purse so hard,bet she was all nervous,_"

"_Hang on; you say this girl has a crush on Hermes because she was clutching her purse?_"

"_Isn't that enough?_"

"_Silly, she must have been afraid Hermes would steal it!_"

"I said, DON'T INTERRUPT ME!" The bed shook violently.

"_And then, your best friend,_" prodded Martha.

"Will always lend me her shoulder to cry on and she's really cute and cuddly!"

"_Are we supposed to guess?_"

"Try."

"_My answer: Aphrodite._"

"Not _her_!" He spat on the ground. "The most annoying female ever!"

"_More clues,please,_"

"She's right here, beside me."

Martha shifted importantly. George went right round the caduceus and glowered at her.

"_He __told__ that it wasn't us._"

"Who is it ?" she asked,her voice trembling with emotion.

Hermes gazed dreamily out of the window. "My steadfast companion, my pillow." He looked lovingly at the fluffy white cushion and rested his head on it.

"_You know, for a split second, I thought it was Iris_,"

"Both of you," said Hermes cutting in. "Wake me up after two hours. Need to get ready to host the show."

"_What show?_" they hissed excitedly, but Hermes was already snoring.


	4. Chapter 4

**NOTE:**

**Thank you very,very,very much for your reviews Abby Thalia Lu Rue and Emily a huntress of Artemis! ! ! You made my day. Absolutely ! ! And I love your response to The Pillow. Thank you too, for those others who just read my story and liked it. This chapter is for you, and you alone.**

**IT'S SHOW TIME ! ! !**

Lord Hermes was in his element. Indeed, it was long since he had been so happy. He was commenting! He was wearing his ancient green robes that Athena had weaved for him. George and Martha were quiet, for once. And none of the annoying cheer girls came near him, because his right pocket smelt of dead rats. Bliss.

"Welcome, one and all! An immortal contest just for you to watch : 'Notch it up Fast'! As Themis must have told you," a sturdy young lady in the front row nodded vigorously, clutching a family-pack chilly popcorn . "this is an Archery skill contest between the divine twins Apollo and Artemis!" A deafening cheer followed. Hermes looked at Hephaestus buried in the crowd and mouthed "Your sound system rocks!"

"Turn around." He mouthed back. Hermes obeyed. Half of the Japanese sky now served as a giant screen. Hermes saw himself standing in the middle of the misty airborne stadium, gripping his Caduceus for a mike. The focus now shifted to Hera and Poseidon in a heated argument.

"As you can see, Hephaestus has done a splendid job with the setting," more cheers and Hephaestus inclined his head in reply.

"Now while we wait for the contestants to get ready, let's go and the opinions of some important people. Come on, let's go to Leto!"

While Hermes flew away, Hephaestus panned the camera on the audience. He sure wanted to know which side his mother was in.

"I say this," said Hera, pointing to something silver. Hephaestus did a double take. Since when did she start supporting _Artemis_?

"No, I say this," said Poseidon acidly, pointing to gold. Okay, he perfectly understood why Poseidon was in Apollo's side.

"Old is gold!" stated Hera.

"But new is nice."

"This one's good for your health,"

"But _this_ is more interesting," said Poseidon. Hephaestus was utterly confused.

"I say Pepper with marshmallows is the best!" declared Hera.

"Nah, the Hot chilly peppermint flavour gives me a real kick."

"Are you going to buy popcorn or not?" demanded Demeter.

He shifted the view. Iris sat at the back, devouring chocolate like there was no tomorrow. She seemed to enjoy herself. She caught the camera and gave a shy wave.

Athena was busy shuffling her notes. She sent a pointed look of disgust to her right. Turn the camera. Aaahh, Ares. His _brother_. The apple of his mother's eye. The one who got away with _his_ wife. His ex-wife was sitting beside him too, touching her make-up, as always. The sight made his flesh crawl.

"Hey, Meter," Ares called out imperiously.

"My name is _Demeter_! I DO NOT like to be referred to a system of measurement. No offence Athena," she said coolly. Athena flicked away the apology.

"More popcorn," he ordered.

"Half my stock is out, thanks to you! Even Themis isn't eating as much!"

"Iris has a whole box to herself," he noted.

"That's chocolate."

"Just one more packet!"

"Right. But it shall be the last."

"I want chocolate too!"

"Fine! One extra large Hot chilly peppermint along with twenty bars of chocolate." Her nymph came running with the items.

"Gosh, that's a whole lot of calories you're consuming Ares," noted Aphrodite,with disapproval etched all over her face.

"Chocolate made you more robust** ;** heh heh."

"Like you aren't already," observed Athena drily.

"You! What are you doing here?" he snapped.

"I'm the Judge of the event, dungbrain,"

"Stop insulting me,"

"She said something _right_, you know" remarked Aphrodite. Ares was miffed.

"Demeter's sure got her flavors right," he said with relish. He placed the popcorn between his legs, fished out his knife and started cutting up the chocolate into bits. He put them all into the popcorn and stirred with his long blade.

"Yum," he licked the blade off the chocolate.

"Urghh!" cried Aphrodite.

"Want some, baby?"

"NO!" she said with horror. Athena was repulsed by the sight too. Their eyes met.

"Hey,where are you going?" he asked.

"Nowhere sweetheart," she replied sweetly. "And I'm not returning," she added in an undertone.

"You know, I never thought I would think the same thing as you," Athena said,walking arm in arm with Aphrodite.

"Can I share the Top box with you? You know all this pollution affects my foundation."

"You are welcome, as long as you stay quiet."

"Hey, you could curl your hair you know,your face will go really well with some bangs," she chattered. "And you must avoid wearing grey, it is too depressing and. . ."

"Don't push your luck too much darling," Aphrodite got the hint and shut up.

"Well, that'll make news for sure, Athena-Aphrodite peace treaty," thought Hephaestus. A phone buzzed. Hermes.

"I'm ready," was all he said. Hephaestus shifted the camera picture. Now Hermes was standing opposite the office of a woman's Self Help Group.

"A fitting place indeed for the Goddess of Womanly demureness. Let's meet Lady Leto."

A pretty lady, clothed in a loose fitting top and long skirt was seen behind the desk.

"Hermes. I'm rather busy."

"Sorry to take away your precious time Goddess," he trained the buttonhole camera(literally) on her. "We'd just like your opinion on the Twins Archery contest today. And aren't you attending it?" Pause.

"I've had ENOUGH of their fighting! I DON'T CARE! Honestly. From the day they were born, they were fighting. I am stronger, I am more powerful, I am more beautiful, I am _older_, my girlfriend, my boyfriend, the list goes on. They killed poor Niobe's children cause she just said she had more than me. What the hell is _wrong_ with that? I, for one, am not jealous. Growing two up itself had made me lose my hair. Suddenly, both of them come home bloody and wet and say, 'We avenged you, mum.' Idiots! I am NOT watching my kids fight. It is insulting!"

"Um, what would you do if you could lay your hands on the one who started the fight?"

"Somebody _started_ the fight? I thought it was spontaneous." Hermes grinned.

"Right, madam, thank you very much for your time,"

"Do me a favor okay? Make sure my daughter doesn't kill Apollo."

"Right, let's call it a family affair and ask what the big Daddy has to say about it all," Hermes rambled. "Athena, you're sure he isn't there?"

"Yes," she replied, from Mount Fuji. "Ganymede is absent. And the girls are surprisingly calm. You know they go wild only when Apollo, Dad or you are there."

"Er, thanks for the very, um, bland comment. Well, I better peek in at ."

The great hall of the Olympians was quiet. So was Mt. Fuji. It isn't often the other Immortals get to even _see_ the interiors of Olympus and all of them were drinking in the sight hungrily. Hermes tiptoed in and looked around.

"Quiet, too quiet for my good," he said,shaking his head.

"I knew he was up to no good; mostly gone to see that Janet Goodman," declared Hera, gobbling up the popcorn.

"Then why did you leave him?" asked Poseidon.

"Are you crazy? I want to see Artemis pounded. Janet can wait."

"Too quiet," said Hermes in the screen. "Oh, hey dad!"

Zeus was snoring. He had his legs curled up under him and his mouth was half open, resting on the cold marble podium. His face was only inches away from the eternal flame burning in the centre of the table. He looked the very picture of peace and tranquility.

"You know, I really don't have the heart to wake Dad up."

Now Zeus was suddenly breathing hard and fast. His chest heaved alarmingly.

"Father, are you all right?" Hermes queried.

His whole frame shook now.

"Dad?" Hermes was definitely scared.

"Haashhoooo!" The whole of Mount Olympus shook for that instant. Hermes was blown far away and covered in slime. Zeus's eyes flew open.

"At last, that nasty nose block's gone,"

"You could give me advance warning before you sneeze, you know," noted Hermes, hanging limply from Dionysus's seat.

"Hermes? My boy? Why are you here?" he sat up and vanished the slime away.

"Did Themis _ever_ come to you?"

"Ahh! That Fight? Did I miss it? Who won?"

"You weren't asleep for so long, you know."

"Oh. You know once Hera woke me up and I found it was twenty days since I fell asleep."

"How did you figure that out?"

"You were only flirting with Ira when I fell asleep. She was pregnant when I woke up. So I figured it must be twenty days. . ." he faltered when he saw the camera. "Sorry."

"Right, dad," Hermes tried to hide his flush. "Are you coming with me?"

"Sure, yes! But where is that inhaler that Apollo gave me?" he looked under his seat, within his crumpled robes, even within his stock of lightning bolts.

"Hera says she has a spare one," Hermes began.

"Bless her! She can be real annoying at times but she sure is such a help. Right boy,I'm coming."

"Come here," Hera called out imperiously, pulling Zeus next to her before other girls could mob him.

"Hey, bro, you really ought to try this one," said Poseidon in the other side, munching his popcorn with relish. "Hot chilly peppermint. Demeter just invented it!"

"Really? All right I'll . . ."

"No, Zeus got a cold. Spice will only make his throat sore. Pepper with marshmallows is what'll suit him. Right Zeus?"

"Um, Hera I really want to try this new flavor,"

"Of course not! Sister, give him the silver packet". Zeus turned his big grey eyes on Demeter.

"Please, you know how _much_ I love your dishes. . ."

"I'm not opposing Hera, sorry," she stated.

"A couple packet of Hot chilly peppermint," rumbled a deep hoarse baritone. They turned.

"Hades! My goodness,didn't expect you," remarked Poseidon.

"Came for Persephone. Said she couldn't miss it. And I wanted to know why Hermes hadn't come down yet."

"He's very busy organizing this stuff," said Demeter, throwing a glance at her pale daughter next to him. "What did you _do _to her?"

"Mum it's okay,I'm dieting,"Persephone replied softly.

"Dieting?"

"She's been like this ever since she went to meet Aphrodite." Hades replied.

"Can't you do anything about it?"

"What, force feed her? Last time I tried that with a pomegranate, you ran to Zeus and Hestia with complaints of Harassment."

"I see you haven't forgotten me," said a sweet voice.

"Hestia! My dear, what an absolute surprise!" Poseidon ran with outstretched arms.

"Demeter, plain salted flavor please," she continued tersely. "Back row." She vanished just when Poseidon would have touched her. Poseidon looked utterly crushed.

"Keep telling you mate, it's useless," said Zeus shaking his head.

"_I _keep telling the same about my daughter Rowena but _you_ don't seem to give up chasing her."

"Who's Rowena? Who? ?"

"A million years and her ears are _still_ sharp," Zeus mumbled, while Hera pounced on a reluctant Poseidon for information.


	5. Chapter 5

**Note :**

**First things first. A thousand apologies for suspending the story like this. If you're interested, I had my board exams and I had to throw away everything else to study. Deeply sorry again.**

**Secondly, a big thank you to :**

**Abigal Thalia La Rue, **

**Artemis, **

**Anaklusmos1, **

**sorrow-wing and **

**Emily Darkbrow. **

**I love you guys. For you maybe, they are few words, but they mean the world to me.**

**Lastly, a request. I am writing another Percy Jackson story, 'An Account of the 2nd Titanomachy'. It is under Suspense and Romance categories . I am rather proud of it and would greatly appreciate it if you would just have a look and tell me your views on it.**

**You can give me your ideas; God knows I desperately need them. You can even ask for particular scenes to be included.**

_**And do tell me whom you want to win this fight : Artemis or Apollo. **_

**PRE - BATTLE STATISTICS**

"Say, why don't we sneak a peek on what the contestants are doing?" Hermes announced. The hungry crowd cheered in response. "Let's first visit Apollo. You're all set?"

"Always ready, just give me the signal," was Hephaestus's reply. "But Hermes,"

"Yeah?"

"Shouldn't we visit Artemis first? She being the first-born and all that?"

"Bro, as God of Languages, I follow only one sequence in these sticky situations."

"And that is?"

"Alphabetical."

Hermes reached the door at one end of the stadium emblazoned with a picture of the sun. Security was having a tough time chasing away drooling nymphs and minor gods. Himerus, the God of Lust, was being particularly persistent.

"Just one second mate; I waited a thousand years for this moment," he yelled, amidst being dragged away by the security guards. "Apollo, my dearest, when shall we meet?"

"I keep telling you, Hyacinthus was a _princess_!" snapped a good-looking female guard. "A common misunderstanding, since the name sounds similar to river god Xanthus and Menelaus and Narcissus."

"Shut up, lip-stick lady!" he cried in reply. "You just want him all to yourself!"

"What? Hell, I'm his daughter!" But she looked long into the mirror and rubbed away the maroon lip gloss.

"That looks fine by me Akira," She jumped up in surprise.

"Hermes! Don't do that to me again!" He just grinned apologetically. "Whatever," she murmured, hooking her thumbs in her pockets.

"How's Jason?"

"Good; ah yes, he has this parent career day tomorrow and the teacher was particular that the students' fathers come and talk."

"That's all right, you know I'm a talker," She nodded. Suddenly, his right pocket quivered violently.

"Oh, yeah,I..."

"_Helloooo my dear, looong time nooo see_" declared George.

"_I told you, you will_ never _get that chocolate-brown voice. Hello Ira,_" It was Martha.

"_Seems ages since I ate some Japanese rats,_"

"_Me too!_"

"_They taste better than the ones Iris gives us, right?_"

"_George! You cannot ask Hermes to marry somebody because they give you better_ _rats!_"

"_Who's talking about marriage now?_"

"Some things never change," Hermes shook his head and put the phone back into his pocket. "We'll talk tomorrow. Now, take me to your father."

"Hermes!" yelled Himerus. "I'm gonna kill you! Don't try to steal my Apollo from me!"

Akira led the way, taking a pocket notebook and began scribbling furiously.

"What's that?" he asked curiously.

"A list. 'Things to do if I become an Immortal'. The first on the list is 'Flog Himerus'.

"By the way, was Hyacinthus a princess?"

"No, but it a very effective lie," she said smoothly. "Ah, your influence is rubbing off a lot on me."

"_Told you so,loser,_" Martha hissed smugly.

"_Mmmgggrrriiissss_"

"_The bet was three rats. Come on,cough up._"

"_Hey,it was two rats,_"

"_DON'T TRY TO DOUBLE CROSS ME!_"

"_Jeez, she saw through that,_"

"_George, I'm still here,_"

"_Yeah, you're always there,_"

"_Shall I tell Hermes about where your rat-tail collection is? He's soo gonna hate it,_"

"_All right,all right, I'll give you three rats! Happy?_"

"_Very much so,_"

Apollo was relaxed, extremely relaxed. One nymph was doing his hair, another two were massaging his hands and legs. A clever looking satyr was checking the weapons.

"Ah, Hermes," he declared dreamily,extending his arms.

"Man, you look like you're going to the theater! Aren't you afraid at all?"

"I'm God of Archery remember? What should I be afraid of? Hey, but don't tell Arty that. It'll hurt her feelings."

"Hmm, is that the only reason?"

"Actually," he said in a stage whisper. "She'll give me such a whacking that my looks will be damaged for weeks. Now _I _can't afford that, can I?" Akira rolled her eyes.

"Ah, my dear, I may be a little selfish, but I love you, always will. Bear hug?"

"No thanks."

"Come on, an all-the-best hug for daddy?" She rolled her eyes again and complied.

"You know,how much ever I hate you,something happens when I hug you," she said. "It all seems to go away."

"That's the idea," he whispered.

"Okay, finish your farewells and be out in five minutes. I'll go pick Arty."

"Hey,don't you dare call her that!"

"That sounds nice. And _you_ call her that."

Artemis's end was blazing with silver, due to all her hunters's presence. Hermes nodded curtly to them and entered the room.

Artemis was there doing last minute practice with Thalia helping her.

"Hi there sisters," he called out. "So Artemis, are you cool?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll turn the camera on." He focussed the camera.

"Wow," gasped Hephaestus. "She looks gorgeous on screen!"

"So, Artemis," said Hermes. "On a scale of one to ten, how sure are you that you're going to win?"

"Eight."

"Oh, I asked the wrong question. How much do you _want_ to win?"

A smile played on her lips as she answered, "Ten."

"It's a full moon today," said Poseidon suddenly.

"So?" asked Hera.

"The odds are that Artemis is going to win."

"Oh please; open your eyes brother. It's broad daylight! Afternoon! The God of the Sun is in his element even now. And for once, support me."

"You know," declared Poseidon, getting philosophical. "This fight between you and Artemis is just . . .. baseless. Personally, I think you two are carbon copies of each other."

"**WHAT? **That is not true!"

"This is an observation result I ought to have told you years ago."

"I am NOT buying it," she stated, crossing her arms.

"He's right,you know. I think so too," Zeus said earnestly, stuffing his face in the popcorn.

"Oh,you're such a ton of help!"she snapped. "Wait, is that Hot Chilly Peppermint you're eating?"

"Oh no. But all the ones I finished eating are." She growled angrily.

"So much for honesty in our relationship," she murmured.

"Hey, you technically never asked me!"

"So you'll give me an honest answer for whatever question I ask." Poseidon shook his head vigorously in warning, but Zeus didn't see that.

"Of course darling, fire away."

"Who's Janet Goodman?" she shot out.

"Sorry?" he asked, turning bright red.

"Janet Goodman," Hera repeated. "Are you _seeing_ her?"

"What? Absolutely not!" he snapped.

"You're lying."

"I swear on Styx that I don't look at her that way!" Thunder rumbled in response.

"So what were you doing in Paris _hugging_ her?"

"She's had a very hard time! Her boyfriend broke up, her mother died and she got fired, all in the space of one day!"

"Ah, how pitiable! But I don't think you have any time to spare for mere mortal troubles, do you? And I don't see why _Janet_ should upset you anymore."

"Don't you dare lay a finger on her."

"Why not?" she challenged.

"Because the last time you opposed me, I clearly saw you hanging from Olympus with brass chains bound to your hands."

"Pah, there's no need for such threats," declared a tall lady,with porcelain skin and a stony face that would give Severus Snape a run for his money.

"Nemesis?" enquired Poseidon.

"Greetings, my Lords and Lady," she inclined her head respectfully. "You must know Lady Hera, that Father Zeus has not looked at any woman but you for the past year."

Hera flushed. "But who is this girl Janet Goodman?"

"His daughter. Oh, um," she said, chancing a look at Zeus. "Um, didn't you know that? Well, excuse me, but Hestia has reserved a place for me and I'm already late." she slipped away to safety.

"Really?" asked Poseidon hopefully, getting up and knocking all the popcorn into Hades's lap.

"Er, actually, she especially requested that I alone come, you know," she trailed off.

"Oh," he said huffed.

"JUST HOW MANY KIDS DID YOU HAVE WITHOUT ME KNOWING?" Hera thundered. Zeus was silent.

"ANSWER ME!"

"Don't yell Hera, I'm counting," he said, face screwed up in concentration. "Ah yes, fifty seven children in all," he declared satisfied.

"Coming with me brother?" asked Hades, already whisking Persephone to safety. "Honesty _never_ works in a relationship."

"What does that mean?" Persephone snapped weakly.

"What I meant was, honesty _alone_ never works in a relationship."

Poseidon grinned. "Good save."

And the audience got a quarter of an hour viewing of the divine Olympus couple's _stormy_ inner life as Hephaestus gleefully captured it in some very interesting angles and added accompanying statistics to boot.


	6. Chapter 6

**Note:**

**See how fast I churn up the story when you review me? There is something _magical_ about it, trust me. So keep telling me your views and give me your ideas. Some suggested a clean win for Artemis, some want a tie, what about you?**

**LOVELY PRELUDE**

After eight thousand serious injuries, Hermes managed to calm down the couple, with banana juice dripping freely down his hair.

"No Hephaestus, I absolutely forbid you," he snapped decisively into his cellphone.

"But Hermes, I'll never get this chance again," he whined. "Please, I never ask you anything,"

"Right," he said. "Under one condition. Only two minutes." He clapped in reply.

"My Lady,"Hermes stated solemnly to a now calm Hera. "King Zeus has love for no one but you. He adores _you_ best of all the ladies in the world. And father, nothing can compare to the love Lady Hera bears you. Forgive and forget the past wounds. Revel now in your pleasure for each other."

"Are you still there, Hephaestus?" he asked, delicately turning away.

"Oh yeah,"

"You can now play that."

"What? And when do I get to show _this_?"

"They deserve privacy. Come on, I think you can take twenty minutes at least, by the looks of it," He silently slipped away from the couple after closing the doors to the now empty VIP box.

"_Twenty minutes?_ Yippee!" Hephaestus immediately began playing the highlights of their fight, with exaggerated animation and Eye of the Tiger screaming in the background. Hera was punching Zeus with celestial bronze boxing gloves which cracked even Aegis into two. Someone screamed, 'I love you female Rocky!'. Zeus ducked and tripped her which resulted in Hera falling face first in the Hot chilly peppermint leftovers. The scoreboard at the left corner of the screen read

'Hysterical woman : 1700 Bearded victim : 250'.

"Demeter _is_ good!" she exclaimed, tasting the juice on her lips.

"I told you so!" Zeus declared.

"My choice is even better," she snapped, as the Pepper flavoured popcorn cascaded down Zeus's head. He gave an almighty sneeze in reply.

"_I_ told you so!" she roared.

Zeus put his hand at the back to fetch his weapon and paused mid-air.

"Looking for lightning bolts, darling?" asked Hera, holding his whole stock by the finger.

"Hera, this is not fair, assaulting your weaponless, vulnerable husband. . ."

"Vulnerable? _You?_ Take that, and that and that!" One bolt after the other whizzed, Zeus missing them by the fraction of a second. By instant inspiration, he picked up a seat nearby and shielded his head. A bolt was thrown off its course and made straight for Hera. It hit her and she raised a terrific screech that made the flesh crawl.

"Hera, darling, are you hurt?" he asked timidly,peeking out from his shield.

"YOU BROKE MY DIAMOND GIRDLE YOU FOOL!"

"Ah, _that_ one? It didn't suit your dress in the first place I wanted to tell you that,"

But he fled the place as a barrage of bolts followed his voice.

'Hysterical woman : 9710 Bearded victim : 620'

Statistics also appeared on the right, predicting a clean win for Hera as she tore behind Zeus in hot pursuit.

"Ah now, things get a _lot_ more interesting," Hephaestus hissed in Hermes's ear.

The scene changed. Now Hermes was trying to stop the two fighting.

"Please Lady Hera, calm down and father, DO NOT HIT HER BACK!"

'Hysterical woman : 15930 Bearded victim : 14600'

"Hey, this is soo not fair, she wasted my entire stock of Long-range bolts and you expect me not to react!"

"Dad, she's calming down and _don't you want to make out with her?_"

"What? Oh, yeah. But I don't think it is possible even in a dream."

"Trust me. It will happen in ten minutes."

"Hephaeustus, my darling brother, please let's skip this part," Hermes begged.

"Oh no, come on, you've faced Typhus and Aegis haven't you? Be brave!"

"Please bro, lovely bro, clever bro, not this part, _not this part,_"

Anger and Wasp strode into the mess of ripped seats popcorn, fading bolts and screaming injured immortals, delicately holding a plastic cup each.

"What are you Grey Sisters doing here?" Hermes choked out, already half-way through his counselling session.

"Anger, I want the eye, come on I want to look at him!" cried Wasp, reaching out all over with her mottled and dirty hand.

"Give me the teeth then, I'll kiss him first!" she shot back, saliva drooling from her hole-like mouth.

"_I _won the bloody bet!_ I _alone have every right to enjoy him!"

"Would you have me bring along Tempest then?"

"No no no, don't go."

"All right Wasp, here's the deal. I have Hermes for the first twelve hours and you can take him after that."

"Hello, you seem to forget, _I won the bet!_ I'm taking Hermes first!"

"Guys, I know I'm quite desirable," interrupted Hermes smoothly, trying hard not to vomit. "But what makes you think I'll come with you hags?"

"Ah my darling," crooned Anger, jumping onto his lap, her mop of grizzled grey hair shaking wildly. Hermes revoltingly pushed her away. "Remember the last time we met?"

"Vividly. I couldn't sleep for three days."

"Aww, honey, it mustn't have been _that_ bad," simpered Wasp.

"What happened the last time you guys met?" asked Hephaestus eagerly.

"STOP THE BLOODY VIDEO! NOW!"

"What do you want?" he almost cried.

"You and me, _alone_," they chorused.

"I already told you Anger, I'm first!"

"Oh come off it, you can't even _see_ him,"

"You have no right to abduct me," snapped Hermes, bringing out his Caduceus with a flourish.

"Ah, there's the one person I wanted to meet! Georgie!" Anger called out.

"Oh lovely green Georgie! Don't you remember the deal?"

"_Go away, you hussy!_"

"Now, now," said Wasp, shaking a knobbly finger. "You can't throw me off like that. Don't you remember the taste of those fat juicy rats?"

"_I sure do._"

"_What rats?_" asked Martha.

"_The ones I gave you in New York when you stopped talking to me._"

"_Ah, those, yes. They were delicious!_"

"See? Now how did you get those rats Georgie?"

"_Um, let me see, I told you to buzz off?_"

"No, you said _'I swear that from today, Ares and Aphrodite will not even frown at each other for a whole year and if anything happens to the contrary, I'll get Hermes to make out with you for a day.'_ "

"You SAID that?" Hermes hissed, furious.

"_Um, maybe in passing, when I was drunk,_"

"You don't get drunk!"

"_No I do! I get drunk by eating too many rats. . ._"

"But you don't have proof for that, do you?" Hermes said, looking up. "They are one infallible couple."

"What is considered proof that they are no longer that close?"

"Well, for starters, they must be sitting at an inch distance from each other,"

Anger pointed him calmly to Aphrodite, sitting in the judge box next to Athena and to Ares, licking his chocolate covered blade.

"Is that far enough for you?" Hermes gulped as Anger crawled again into his lap.

"So, shall we start right now?" She pounced up and pressed her drooling mouth on Hermes, spilling the contents of her plastic cup on his head.

A text in bright red scrolled over the screen now :

_'Mystery of the dripping banana juice'._

"It was a stroke of genius, actually," admitted Hephaestus modestly. Hermes fumed.

On screen Anger was thrown aside as Hermes turned and puked violently on a nearby seat. Now the scrolling text read :

_'Mystery of the yellow goo in seat number 153'_

"Oh man; I paid five thousand drachmas for the VIP seats!" groaned a satyr.

"Was my kiss so bad?" asked Anger as Wasp and Hera chuckled immoderately.

"My boy," managed Zeus, clutching a stitch on his side. "I think you should postpone the romance to a later time,"

"Father, I don't want to do it! HELP ME!"

"According to your wish, Father Zeus, we will leave now," they chorused.

"But we will return," Wasp hissed in his ear.

"Hear hear," whispered Hephaestus. Hermes began to boil.

"_Ow, ow, Hermes, this pocket's on fire!_"

"This is ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"_My fault? Hermes I swear I had nothing to do with this!_"

"_Martha, you traitor, didn't you eat half of those rats?_"

"_But I had NOTHING to do with the deal! If I only had known how you got those rats. . ._"

"_What?_"

"_I would. . . I would. . .still have eaten it. They were nice. . ._"

"_Hermes,_" stated a voice in his head. "_We waste valuable time in these silly distractions._ _I suggest we begin immediately._"

"Yes, yes," replied Hermes, startled to his senses by Athena's telepathic message. "We better begin now."

"Right, my dear audience! I am startled and repelled myself by the new developments in

this stadium. Very unexpected ones, I assure you. Hope they kept you entertained while you waited and hope no one was seriously injured. So Athena, let us hear about the contest!"

"An actual skill contest between Apollo and Artemis can last many days. As there is limited time and as the attention span of the audience is fickle," there was undisguised contempt in her voice now. "I have decided that. . ."

But just then, Aphrodite rushed out from nowhere, grabbed the mike, closed her eyes in exultation and began dreamily:

_'Some souls love with their body,_

_Some love through their mind,_

_Some give away their heart entirely;_

_But Love is the expression of all trine.'_

"Um, my lady," began Hermes, with trepidation.

"Yeah," she whispered seductively.

"What does this have to do with Archery?"

Athena snatched the mike away. "Aphrodite is just saying, um, in her own way, that there are three main rounds in this competition, like the body, mind and soul and the total score obtained in all three rounds determine the winner."

"Ah," replied Hermes with relief. "Three rounds of initial applause then!"

As the crowd cheered deafeningly, Athena shot a murderous stare at the Goddess of Beauty that evaporated her foundation make-up.

"You almost ruined the whole organization!" she thundered, her eyes gleaming eerily like her father. "I had planned five rounds! One more word and I toss you all the way to Cyprus, I mean it!" Aphrodite yelped in response and moved far away from the mike.

"_Nice save,_" thought Hermes, focussing and directing this thought towards Athena.

"_Just like the oldest Olympian to make a fool of us in front of these minor gods,_" Athena replied telepathically. "_Remind me again Hermes, why is _Aphrodite_ an Olympian?_"

"_Because we __love__ her?_" Hermes snorted sarcastically. Silence prevailed.

"_And that verse she recited,_" Athena's cold fury could be felt by Hermes, even though she didn't say it aloud. "_It was straight from _'Poetic love expressions' _by Apollo._"

"_What? _"

"_Yeah, I know, It sounds way beyond his usual crap. Funny how much Apollo is capable of when he actually loves someone._"

"_Athena?_" Hermes thought squeakily.

"_Hmm? I know it's astonishing,_"

"_I'm not surprised by that,_"

"_Huh?_"

"_Apollo_ is _capable, take a look at his prophesies. No, that was not what caught me off_ _guard,_" there was a broad grin in his face now.

"_Excuse me?_"

"_Athena, say, you read_ _'Poetic_ _Love_ _expressions',_ _did you?_"

"_Purely to analyze his style of poetry,_" Athena snapped back, a little too fast.

"_Oh yeah?_"

"_I was bored,_"

"_Any more reasons?_"

"_That's all._" She put her foot down.

"_You know that I'm God of Communication, don't you? I can always tell when you're hiding something,_" Hermes could actually hear her fume and hurl all the Greek curse words into his brain.

"_I was merely trying to analyze and extract the fundamental underlying knowledge that lay behind all the flowery words and rhythmic timings._"

"_You were curious,_" Hermes shot back shrewdly.

"_What?_"

"_You were curious to know what this __love_ _was all about._" Dead silence. Bull's eye.

Athena cleared her throat loudly in the mike. "Don't stand gawking there Hermes, the audience is getting impatient."

He started back to reality. "Oh, right."

"There are three rounds, like I said," continued Athena. "Aim Tight, Taking out the target and Rapid fire combat. I'll give the instructions before each round. Let the contestants appear."

"Hmm; things aren't as bad as they seem," said Hermes smugly.

"_Well Martha, for starters, he isn't_ _**grey**_ _with __**anger**_ _anymore,_"

"We still have your punishment to discuss George," he said acidly.


	7. Chapter 7

**THE REAL THING**

Apollo strolled lazily into the breezy airborne stadium, his golden locks tossed beautifully in the wind and his blue eyes gleaming. As usual, there was a wild applause, with all the girls in the stadium screaming and jumping to get him, some of the boys too. Satyrs played soft music to honour him and nymphs hurried over with bows and arrows and drinks. Akira was waving a whip now to control the audience and Hades was gripping Persephone's wrist with all his might.

"Let go, Hades, you act as though I'm going to run away," she snapped. He relaxed and released her. She immediately made for the stadium.

"Hey! Kore, COME BACK!" he cried, running furiously after her.

"Just one autograph please," she said playfully.

"Kore, he is your _brother_! You can get it any time you wish!"

"But it is soo nice to do it the mortal way, soo FREE!" Her bronze curls were jumping about wildly.

"Where did she get that strength?" he growled huffing and following her, his black cloak flapping behind him. This caused the crowd to now become manageable and Apollo to scowl, for the girls were goggling at Hades now, scared, yet enchanted.

Artemis now entered the stadium, followed closely by her Hunters. Clapping and cheering ensured and the boys surreptitiously goggled at her. The dryads bowed their respective trees and sent their best flowers and Poseidon hooted loudly, sending the Hunters into fits of giggles.

Persephone came to a halt in front of Artemis and flung her arms about her.

"Ah, sister, all this attention, I'm flattered," Artemis said shyly.

"Sooo long since I met you last," she gushed. "And such a long time since I ran like this . . ."

"You look ill, Kore," Artemis said, taking her in.

"Don't ... remind ... me ..." gasped Hades, clutching a stitch in his stomach.

Artemis laughed. "So Kore, any reason other than exercise?"

"Um, I'm collecting autographs of all the winners of the competitions I attend,"

"Oh, Kore, I haven't won yet,"

"Who else will win?" they chorused.

"You must win this niece," Hades remarked, as Artemis signed a scrap of paper.

"No pressure, but all the best," Persephone said.

"Thanks," she said blushing pleasantly. They left.

"That's it! Whatever you say, your _diet_ is called off! I can't have everyone think I'm not looking after you. By Tartarus, you look like you'll be blown away!"

"But I'm not at all pretty, . . . . . . . .oops," she said, trailing away. Hades stopped.

"So _that's_ what the fuss is about," he remarked quietly. She looked away.

"Kore," he said quietly. "Kore, look at me!" He pulled her closer and tilted up her chin. "Do not believe that idiot. She thinks that she is the most beautiful woman on Earth. No doubt she is," he spat disgusted. "But she is the most insensitive and foolish bit of shit I've ever seen!"

"You, you just swore. . . ," she replied awed.

"I did?" he snapped, distracted.

"Yes you did! By Zeus, you _swore_ just now!" she laughed in delight. "Man, I never thought I'll catch you doing that,"

"Ah, well, you better start eating now,"

Kore skipped back to her seat, looking mischievous. Demeter waited with the biggest scowl on her face.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" she scolded, holding Kore by the arm. "You could have been lost! There could have been a stampede! You could have tripped! Hades, do you have brains or what?"

"For your kind information, your daughter ran away on her own! And don't be so paranoid, nothing would have happened. Time you realized your daughter is not a child anymore,"

"Hades, YOU THIEF, you don't tell me about MY daughter!"

"That's a misunderstanding we've been having for _centuries_ and you NEVER let us explain!" They said it together, at the same time and Demeter marvelled at how even the voice modulation matched. Unfortunately, this only made her more angry.

"You are stressed out, sister," Hades stated. "Take a seat."

"HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SIT WHEN THERE ARE NO SEATS?"

"Ah," he said. "A little change in the seating arrangements then."

Everyone around clutched their seats in horror, afraid of being thrown out, but no one expected Kore to climb into his lap. Demeter's jaws dropped to the ground.

"This is way better than those leather seats," she purred, curling up, as Hades threw his arms around her.

"So," he asked politely, though there was a triumphant glint in his dark eyes. "Aren't you sitting?"

"Um, in a moment," she stammered, disoriented. "I'll just go get some popcorn,"

"High calorie ones," he added. "There's someone we need to fatten up." He turned and glowered at his audience, who immediately began to look busy. Only Poseidon had the gall to wink at him.

"So, Apollo and Artemis," Athena's voice echoed up the much quieter stadium. "Shall we start now?" Apollo blew her a kiss in response while Artemis nodded stiffly.

"Please take your allotted places." The crowd began cheering again as they moved to their positions.

"Some general instructions. Your submitted equipment has been scanned for magic traces. Only that equipment must be used in the competition. Do not use your immortal form in any stage of the competition. Use of magic to propel or guide the arrows is forbidden. No cheating, direct or otherwise. Do the competitors agree?"

"Yes," they chorused.

"The first round is called 'Aim Tight'. Marks are awarded for completing the task and for display of special skills. You must not move from your allotted place during this round, no matter how far the targets are. There are three stages within this round."

Immediately, helpers appeared with a box for the contestants. Artemis scanned the contents. It contained a small, but closely-knit flower garland and an olive wreath, small enough to make a bracelet.

"There shall be a singer and a musician before each of the contestants. The singer must be adorned with the garland and the musician must get the bracelet _while they are_ _performing_. And the bracelet must be put on the hand strumming the instrument."

Two nervous troupes came from opposite ends of the stadium and took their places, straight before the contestants.

"Oh my," whispered Persephone. "At this distance, I don't know who's singing and who's playing! If it weren't for the TV. . ."

At a signal from Athena, the two guys began singing the same song, while the musicians fingered the lyre dexterously.

_'Suitors came from lands afar,_

_Athens, Pylos, Crete, Ithaca,_

_For no one's beauty was on par,_

_With the fair maiden, Helen of Sparta,'_

"Helen; guys come off it!" commented Hermes. "There are so many other pretty girls that . . ."

"_Like Akira,_" said Martha.

"_Or Atlanta,_" added George.

"What?" he snapped, distracted.

"_The runner Atlanta, one of the Argonauts,_" explained Martha.

"_Not Atlanta Johnson, but she is also . . ._"

"_Hermes, did I just hear my daughter's name in your head?_" asked a suspicious Athena.

"Oh look at that!" yelled Hermes, drowning out Athena's voice buzzing in his head. "Will you look at that! If anybody needs more proof that they are twins, I say look now. They have both garlanded their respective singers at the same instant! Ah, _now_ the music is much more boisterous. Lyre players relax! It's the divine twins! You need not worry about losing your hand!"

"_Hermes do you have a minute?_" Athena persisted.

"Apollo's all calm and composed, waving and blowing kisses and winking at the audience and _he doesn't even have the bow in hand _! But Artemis's stance reminds me of an alert tiger eyeing its prey. She's soo **not** going to miss the target."

"_I know you are only pretending,_" she continued.

"Ah, now Apollo's got the bow and arrow in hand and THEY SHOOT! The bracelets land neatly on their wrists _at the same instant _! They have both utilized that break in the song to shoot their little shafts. Bet Apollo knows the song by heart. Kudos contestants! While Athena gets ready to announce the scores, why don't we give a long applause to the troupes and the contestants?" They crowd cheered lustily for a while.

"The scores; Apollo : 2000 Artemis : 2000. A clean tie." Athena's announcement sent the crowd into raptures. Apollo grew busy in humoring the crowd while Artemis checked her equipment.

"The second stage involves music too," Athena said, silencing the audience. "Contestants, listen carefully to this sound and observe the source."

Two helpers entered the stadium, carrying erect fishing rods. A small silver bell was attached to it. They moved the rod to and fro enabling them to listen to the sound of the bell ringing.

"So, have you observed? Now, you shall both be blindfolded. This bell shall be played again, at different places, along with a number of _other _sounds. Ice cold water shall also be poured on you at intervals for distraction. You must remove the gong from the bell, without moving from your assigned place,_ only by tracking its sound_. One at a time. Shall we begin?"

Artemis stepped forward first to be blindfolded. She readied the arrow and waited.

Immediately, the stadium broke out into a cacophony of noise. There were cheers, catcalls, jeers, insults, lyre music, singing, chanting, loud booming voices, whispers in the wind, drums, guitars, trumpets, sitars . . . and that little silver bell. The sound was so feeble one would never even realize its presence, but Artemis recognized, indeed heard, no other sound. The bell was now in the right, now right opposite her, now left, obviously one of the helpers was carrying it with that fishing rod. . .

"So Lady Artemis now performs a dance similar to the mesmerized snake before its charmer, come off the charm Arty! Shoot the bell!"

Artemis let loose her arrow just then and the tiny gong fell to the ground, leaving the bell unharmed.

"BRILLIANT work, sister! All that hunting in the dark has paid off! Come on, cheers for our maiden Huntress!"

The crowd applauded as Apollo was getting ready.

"So; the Lord of Light is now preparing to aim his arrow in the dark. Oh, he's actually rocking to a little serenade!"

Apollo was attracted by the beautiful lyre music and unconsciously moved in time to it.

"Now, now, bro, don't get distracted! The bell, the bell!"

Now Apollo heard the shouts of his fans and the loud jeers of Artemis's Hunters, the various lovely musical notes, his daughter's voice. . .

SPLASH! One bucket full of icy cold water doused him now.

"What the," Hermes managed, choking down his laughter. "Fast, brother! A free bucket of water for every minute you stay there!"

Apollo now heard it, a tiny note among all the chaos, that bell . . .

"Dad come on! Hark the bell! Hark the bell!" floated Akira's voice.

Now the bell rang clear in his brain; loud, sharp and near. Before a second bucket of water hit him, the gong dropped to the ground, denting the bell.

The stage exploded into cheers.

"Guys, guys!" cried Hermes. "Don't you want to know the scores?"

"Apollo : 4000 Artemis : 6000 ; for fast timing, avoiding water and damage to the bell."

"All right audience! The third stage in the first round!" Athena announced. "In this stage, you have three targets, at varied distances that you have to take out from your position."

Immediately, helpers placed six huge things, covered by cloth, one behind the other, right opposite the twins again.

"The first target is a typical target board with a red spot you must hit. But the spot keeps moving in a random manner. Next, you have axes, a little away from the board. One set of axes rotates in the clockwise direction while the other anti-clockwise. But you will notice small handle holes in the axes. You must make your arrow pass through all the holes simultaneously. The last and the farthest is a William Tell repetition: someone you favor will have an apple placed on their heads and you must shoot it. But they shall have a tickling spell on them."

"You can take them out in any order and there is no time limit, but the completion time will be taken into account. All the best. So, who chooses to begin?"

"Ladies first," offered Apollo generously. Artemis produced her bow. One of the helpers removed the cloth placed on the board opposite her.

"Sissy, no need to be nervous, just do your best, I'll understand if you lose,"

"Shut up."

Artemis began to study the moving dot in front of her, while notching an arrow.

"So, audience," announced Hermes. "Artemis is in. She's clearing the targets in the exact order they are placed. Ah, I think she's a bit baffled by the dot!"

She was indeed more than baffled by the dot's motion. She bit her lip nervously and her green eyes followed the spot obediently as it first went to the centre, then the edge, then to the left corner. . . .

"Well guys, she's ready to shoot!"

Artemis would have fired her arrow, but the red dot did not move as she planned, and she was reduced to staring hard at it again.

"Come on, niece, hit it!" yelled Poseidon. The crowd followed his lead and cheered and booed accordingly.

" . . . And by Zeus, she hit the sweet spot! Come on Lady Artemis, that's the spirit!"

The helpers cleared the board away to the thunderous cheering of the crowd. When the cloth was removed from the second target, the crowd gasped.

"Well, I now see why you are awed," Hermes said. "That is the biggest collection of moving axes I've ever seen. Each one is fifty feet in length, base attached to a long iron stick. Like Athena said, seven moving clockwise, another seven anti-clockwise. But there is only a tiny hole in them, just enough for an arrow to pass through. Man, this is going to be soo tough!"

Artemis was examining the ominously moving axes too. In a few seconds, an arrow was sailing through the holes.

"This is superb! Within twenty seconds! She's sure making up for the lapse in the first stage! Go Arty!" Apollo growled when he heard the nickname.

The screen to the last target was pulled aside to reveal Thalia squirming in her position, apple pasted firmly on her head. She had her eyes closed and kept her body stiff, but occasionally gave way to convulsions.

"Thalia Grace, Daughter of Zeus and the second in command of Artemis Hunters. Looks like she's got tons of self control, tickling spells are terrible to suppress. I tried and failed miserably."

"I placed the spell on him!" Persephone chirped. "When he stole my flower crown."

"Steady Thalia," Artemis whispered, pulling the string of her bow.

The arrow sailed swiftly to land on the top portion of the apple.

"Level completely cleared by Lady Artemis! Excellent performance, though she could have nearly missed the target in the last stage. Affection surely must influence the aim. Come on guys, an applause!"

Poseidon yelled and choked on the popcorn. Persephone jumped up and down while Demeter shouted her protests. Ares lifted his chocolate sword in appreciation.

"Calm down mates, it is only the third round! Oh, let's see what Lord Apollo's got to offer."

Apollo was busy talking to one of the helpers. He nodded in reply and conveyed the message to the others.

"Ah, looks like he wants to study all of them before he makes a move, for he has instructed for the removal of all the covers. Let's see, the spot is as unpredictable as ever, the axes are also scary and the apple is on the head," he choked for a second before continuing. "Of Akira Naruko, Daughter of Apollo and head security guard of this event."

"_Apollo,_" Hermes snarled telepathically. "_You better make sure you do a neat job._"

"_She's_ my _daughter,_" he snapped back. "_I'll do it much better than you._"

Beads of sweat trickled down his hair as he took in the motion of the red spot. Akira was wiggling, but she didn't let the convulsions reach her head. She had her eyes firmly closed too. Apollo drew the string as far as possible and let the arrow slip. The string snapped into two.

"Hmm, looks like he's nervous, that's soo unlike . . . Oh my, he's a GENIUS! Did you see that, Athena? Spectacular, mind blowing, by Hades, I'm totally impressed! You **rock, **brother!"

The arrow had sailed to hit the red spot, torn through the thick material to pass right through the holes in the rotating axes _and_ landed neatly on the apple.

"Sweet Zeus, my head is reeling, I've never seen such a crafty piece of archery. Ah, why didn't Artemis think of this too?"

"Apollo : 9000 Artemis : 8000."

The crowd rushed into the stadium. Akira immediately tossed the apple away and began to control the crowd.

"Get back, get back, this area is out of bounds!" she yelled in a hoarse voice.

"Akira, I need you a minute!"

"What is it?" she snarled, without turning. "I already gave you detailed instructions as to handle Himerus and the nymphs."

"Akira, I ,"

"Can't you see I'm busy? Any new problems, just ask Alex to. . . .Dad?" she asked, trailing off.

"Well, I want,"

"Oh, no need to say thanks, hey!" she gasped, totally nonplussed as Apollo drew her into a warm hug. She became limp with shock as Apollo rocked her gently like a two year old. . .

"I love you Akira," he whispered. "Always do." He then pinched her nose fondly and departed in a flash.

"Where did that come from?" she muttered, with a grin.

**NOTE:**

**Thank you very, very much to RIPallas for giving me that idea on moving targets. My mom gave me the idea for the first round, while my bro inspired the second. You can give me your ideas too! **

**The next round is 'Taking out the Target'. Any mythological creatures? Interesting circumstances? Alternate environments? I'm all ears. Please help me!**


End file.
